The Lost Viking in Cowboy Country

How to even begin…

SO- Once again, it is becoming a habit for me to only post once or twice a year (sorry!). Guess I get caught up in my own little world of chaos.

Where I left off- I left off knowing that something in my life had to change so that I could finally grab happiness by the balls! Leaving my beloved London to live back in my hometown for a year definitely put me into a state of shock and numbness. So it was only upon my decision to become Frodo Baggins again and adventure west that I finally found my spirit again!

The Road Trip- Since you are probably wondering…..YES, I did make the move! Last August, I packed up my car, marked out a map, grabbed my mom, and made for an epic roadtrip to the west! In my head, I had always imagined an epic road trip across country consisting of my best friends, many chippendales bars, hitting up every mechanical bull riding contest, and lots of awkward Walmart-people encounters. BUT….that phenomenal image was molded into an image of Barbara Striesand and Seth Rogan on the ‘Guilt Trip.’ Unfortunately, my best friends couldn’t make the road trip so my mother was BEYOND excited to take their place. Of course when she first recommended this setup, like any other daughter in the world, I thought to myself, “Oh HELLLLLLLL No!” To my surprise, it was actually a very relaxing and pleasant trip filled with many hotel pools, continental breakfasts, and infinite amounts of cornfields (no thanks to Kansas). And no, there were unfortunately no chippendales stops…ugh. To continue….since my brother had just recently gotten engaged, I decided to drive my car out with my mom and then we would both fly back for his engagement party….and then I would fly back again after. -BUT- following up on LIFE LESSON #22: As a man named Murphy once said, ‘Anything that could go wrong, will go wrong! When I was back in my hometown for my brothers engagement party, I somehow managed to acquire a horrible infection on a microscopic cut…..which then turned into an infected abscess (AKA- a bulging golfball-sized, tumor-like, excruciatingly painful infection….which of course was located on my butt, because it wouldn’t have been as much fun in a less- sensitive area). So the doctor immediately sent me in for an emergency procedure to cut it open. The doctor who cut it open was talking on her cell phone when I first entered her office (not a promising sign). She seemed extremely rushed as if I was inconveniencing her with this last minute squeezed-in appointment. So like a great doctor, she used a local anesthetic but didn’t wait long enough for everything to be completely numb. It is safe to say that this tough Viking was crying like a baby on that operation table. I truly think I should write to the C.I.A. and recommend the procedure as a great interrogation tactic…they could probably get any information out of anyone that they would ever need! Since the procedure was done under such care, the next day I spiked a fever and ended up in the emergency room for having the infection spread since the doctor didn’t provide me with any antibiotics and left debris in the wound. After lots of poking and prodding, screaming and crying, flight changes, and a bottle of codeine later….I was walking as if I had a stick up my butt and was ready to get the hell out of town and back to my adventure out west.

Finally reaching the west- Finally….it was such a relief when I got back out to the west and in cowboy country! I even got my first part-time job in Wyoming as….wait for it…..WAIT FOR IT….a college Adjunct teaching Cultural Anthropology!! WHOOOO!!!! Anyone who knows me well laughed when I told them this. Their first thought is, “Teaching college students??? YOU??? HAHA.” They just assume I would date one of my students or tell inappropriate jokes all the time (which, of course, I did. Not the dating….but the jokes part). So I completed a whole semester of teaching college kids and LOVED it. I would show them the most horrifying videos of cultural practices just to get a chuckle and of course, teach them extremely valuable knowledge *wink* *wink*. On top of that I also got a full-time day job….not the best paying, but it pays the bills! As far as a juicy love-life goes…..Yes, yes…I did date! I had a serious (but not really) relationship for two months with a guy because I thought it was really nice, but apparently you have to be compatible to actually make it sustain haha…who knew? You live and ya learn!! So unfortunately I broke it off and moved on to new adventures! For the most part, it has been pretty boring. Mostly just working and staring at the vast, infinite amount of dry open land in Wyoming. I haven’t found my dream job yet, but I am hoping it is just around the corner! I hope to get a research job through a university in Colorado so that I can move down there and live an epic life! But I know that patience is key! So until then, I am waiting patiently trying to enjoy life. And No, no new love interests yet…..but it is cowboy country so I’m sure I can try and lasso one up soon 😉 If all else fails, I’ll wait until I move down to the mountains to rummage up a lumberjack. No big deal. I always have back-up plans!

My New Home in Wyoming: 

Like Hansel and Gretel, I Drop Pieces of my Heart in a Trail Around the Globe

Being home for a year and falling into a miserable abyss of sadness (due to my lack of adventure) has made me feel mediocre. My mind has never been….mediocre. So for my crazy, twisted-self to feel ‘plain’ and ‘mediocre’ means that something has gone terribly, terribly wrong. One of my favorite quotes by my boy, Albert Einstein, is the saying that “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.” I’ve become insane in my mediocrity! This whole year I have been having a pity party with my low-paid mediocre job and just waited around hoping for some amazing dream job to appear at my doorstep and sweep me away to a faraway place. Two-hundred-something applications and cover letters later, no dream job turned up and no hope turned up. Then, I revisited my favorite quote and… *BAM*…had an awakening! I am insane. I have been doing the SAME thing every goddamn day and have been expecting things to get better. That is when I realized that things need to change and things need to change NOW. So I up and quit my full-time mediocre (awful-paying) job and got a part-time (better-paying) summer job to kill time with. I also tried to save up as much money as I could (which, really isn’t that much). Living in the state of New York is expensive and there aren’t many jobs in my field that I want. No offense to NYC, I love the city, but I would never want to live or work there. I’ve gotten over the high living prices and high commuting expenses and the over-crowded congestion of busy-bodies. I want a more laid-back lifestyle where I don’t have to slave and be miserable just to pay the bills every month. Plus, it would be nice to meet some new people (preferably adorable lumberjack/viking-like men) who were brought up in a more laid-back fashion.

Soooooo…..what I’m getting at here is……Come September 1st, I am officially MOVING to the Western United States!! More specifically, southern Wyoming/Northern Colorado region. I want mountains and hiking and fields and fresh air and wilderness and epic adventures! As soon as I made the decision to up and leave, I slowly began to feel like my old Frodo-self. Frodo has found the ring and is back in ACTION! Where’s Gandalf at?!?! Off to Mordor we go!! Well, maybe somewhere a lot nicer than Mordor with pretty flowers and snowy mountains. Overall, I don’t care that I don’t have a job lined up and I don’t care that I don’t have that much money saved because I know I would rather travel broke into the unknown than stay idle in a vicious cycle of endless mediocrity. I am fortunate enough to have relatives that live in that region and have generously agreed to house me for as long as I need until I find a suitable job and can move out. Another lesson I have learned…. Life Lesson #45: I wouldn’t have gotten so far, or have been so accomplished without the unrequested help from beloved friends and family along the way. I never asked friends or family for help throughout my journeys, but they somehow were always there to give it. I know I wouldn’t have done so many amazing things without their guiding hands to accompany me.

Some of you may think I’m crazy or illogical to just up and leave without a job, or without substantial monies, etc… But the truth is, my heart aches for travel and for adventure. I see people every day who are stuck doing the same job, same commute, and doing the same thing over and over. Those are the same people that express to me how each day the life is being sucked out of them because of how miserable they are. It breaks my heart to see people believe that they really have no choice in the matter. If I get hit by a bus tomorrow and die, I don’t think the first thing I’ll be thinking about in the moment is, “Oh crap, this is inconvenient because I have to get to work on time or they are going to get angry with me.” No…I think the thought running through my head would be, “Sh*t. WTF?! Life could potentially be ending right now and I spent so much time on being angry, miserable, and worrying about little things that added up to nothing in my life.” Society tells us we need a job and to play these “roles” as workers….but what does Life tell you? When I listen, Life tells me that if I want happiness, I can have it. Happiness is at all our our fingertips, we just have to choose to be happy in our state of mind or at least DO something to change up our life. We should at least attempt to find our happiness. Life tells me that nothing is written in stone, so may as well enjoy the most of what you can right now. Travel and change makes me feel free, makes me feel alive. So that is what I am going to do. I am going to move and to travel, but I am above all, controlling my happiness and claiming it for my own.

Another lesson I learned about myself and my wanderlust:

Life Lesson #566: I confess, I am terribly afraid of flying. But if you asked me, I would tell you that airports are some of my favorite places in the world. Airports, to me, are the seat on the roller-coaster, the plunge before the cliff-dive, the lightning before the rainbow, and the injection before the relief. Airports are just the portals that lead to my dream journey, but I am always terrified to pass through that portal.  To chase your dream, to travel, to adventure, to wander…will always be worth the fear of stepping into the unknown…stepping onto that plane. 

Viking Rebirth

Ok, I know…I know….I know…..*don’t yell at me*…..So this Viking kind of sailed to the end of the Earth and….well, fell off. I’M SORRY! So literally it has been more than a year since I have updated my viking tale. *SIGH* Boy, you missed a whole lot! I’m not going to write an epic novel to fill in the gaps, but I will give you the 60 second version to wrap things up.

• Picking up where I left off: So the last post was about my ‘Anthropological Virginity’. Whelp, you guessed it, THAT cherry has been popped! For my epic year in London, I attended classes and listened like a good student! (AKA- I tried to go to class when I could but obviously if an opportunity opened up to adventure to random places or watch the history channel ‘Vikings’ series, I usually chose those paths instead.) I kept up my grades and conducted my dissertation research on a virtual reality game (basically, I played video games and called it ‘research’). And TAH-DAHHHHHHH……*BOOM* I got my Masters of Science Degree! Whooo hoo! All those late night Tesco runs and tea-bag coffees paid off!
• BUT…. I am sure you probably don’t give a flying sh*t about my Masters Degree (just as this job market doesn’t either) so I’ll jump to the juicy details that you are waiting to hear about! Yes, yes, I did date while I was in London. And YES, they were MEN. I went on dates with 7 men total. A mix of Irish and English men……very spicy, I know ;). But unfortunately, I was only really interested in two of them and we all know how that usually ends……..with a pint of overpriced Ben&Jerry’s and a Bridget Jones’ Diary marathon. Life Lesson #844 Learned: It doesn’t matter what background or nationality a man is, men will be men. Same shit different day. But I’m not going to be a weeny and give you a sob story of how my heart got broken and I cried precious tears that contained remnants of my tiresome heart. Want to know why I’m not going to do that? BECAUSE I’M A MOTHER F’ING VIKING! That’s why! As gentle as a Flower but strong like Bull! That is the motto that my heart was built upon. Don’t get me wrong, I can be a very compassionate and sensitive person who is much of a romantic as the next girl…but I also have a functional brain and am under no illusion that life is like a Nicholas Sparks novel (or movie, since the idea of even bothering to read his books makes me want to barf a little.) No offense to those that love that stuff…I fully support you in liking it, but it just ain’t for me. *Conclusion of Rant* SOOOO, anywho…I did have some fun dating the Brits. BUT, most of my fun was from not dating anyone. My most fun night were venturing out with my other single ladies to paint the town! I’m having flashbacks of having a Gigantor Ginger South African Rugby Player throw me over his shoulder while having him scream “I FOUND A FRIEND!” at the bar. Or the time a group of (off-duty) royal guards were trying to walk me to a bus stop late at night. We were crossing over a bridge when I told them all to “F*** Off and go jump off the bridge into the Thames (a river)” because they were making crude comments. It was at that point that the drunken guards thought my recommendation sounded like a wonderful idea and they therefore proceeded to start stripping their clothes off and climbing up the rails of the bridge. In that moment I felt like I had kidnapped some Chip N’ Dales workers and had a private show all to myself. I then bounced back to reality when I realized they REALLY were going to jump into the water so I had to collect their clothes and yell at them like a maniac to NOT do what I say. After a few laughs they then agreed to put their shirts back on….but just in time for me to get an eye-full first. *Eyes filled with sparkles* Yup, those memories made my year. *Cough* but I was busy doing school work for most of the year *Cough*.
• Aside from the partying/dating/being-epically-single part… Most of my year was spent feeding my Viking cravings to travel! I had the most amazing friends who were from all parts of the world (Norway, Mexico, Slovenia, Scotland, Canada, etc..).  During the year I explored many wondrous parts of England, road-tripped all throughout Ireland, took two separate backpack trips throughout all of Italy, engorged myself in baguettes and wine in France, realized how poor I was in Monaco, searched for good old Nessie in Scotland, and hiked the Fjords as a Viking rite of passage in Norway!
• Some memorable parts of those trips were being robbed by a man on a vespa in Naples, Italy…I had just spent my last few euros on gelato and was holding my iphone to look at a map while he slashed my cardigan and satchel purse off my back with box cutters. I chased him for two blocks while shouting “YOU F’ING SH*THEAD!” but obviously he got away (eating gelato all vacation didn’t put me in the best shape). But the laugh is on him because all he got was a now broken purse, some beach glass I collected that day, some maxed-out credit cards, and my Cafe Nero card which had only one more stamp before I got my free Latte (which I am still mad about). F’ing Naples, man. Every vespa I saw after that point made me bubble with anger and made me want to Hulk out and kick it over. But overall, it was a nice trip! You live and you learn, right? Being robbed was just a hiccup. Life Lesson Learned #809: Sh*t happens. Get over it. Don’t let an unfortunate event take over your emotions and ruin an amazing experience! You can choose to let it get you angry and ruin your trip….or you can laugh about it after a couple hours and tell everyone while lightheartedly jesting, “Yup, that WOULD happen to me.” Another memorable time was having a random old man walk all the way across a busy beach to kneel down in front of me with a flower and serenade me. *AWKWARD*. Keep in mind, I was sunbathing with thin, gorgeous, bikini-wearing gals (the opposite of my body type). And yet, he obviously had a thing for bah-donk-a-donks and pale irish skin since he crawled over to me. I decided he wasn’t my soulmate when he got offended that I awkwardly giggled and didn’t understand what he was saying. He made me take the flower and then he left broken-hearted. Sorry I’m not sorry. If he was driving a yacht instead of a vespa then…..Ehhhh….maybe, just maybe I would have changed my mind (just kidding…..but no, seriously). And another great memory was splurging and purchasing the bumper-to-bumper insurance for the rental car in Ireland so that every time we opened the door too hard and scratched that mother f’er up or forgot to drive on the right side of the road (which is actually the left) we would shout “NOT LIABLE!” Classic. BUT my ultimate favorite moment was my Viking Rite of Passage in the Fjords. My Norwegian friend told us we were going on a little hike in to this massive lookout in the Fjords. And by a ‘little’ hike….she meant a 6 hour power hike up the side of a mountain with rock cliffs. OH, and half way up we were trapped on top of a mountain in a huge thunderstorm. “Please don’t smite us all powerful Thor!!!” I’m not religious, but I must have prayed at least a dozen times to NOT get struck by lightning or slip and tumble down the mountain side. We lost half of our group by the time we came here the prized ‘lookout’ point because everyone was dropping like flies from exhaustion. But obviously, as a Viking, I had no choice but to continue in order to keep my reputation intact. So finally the last survivors and I made the trek to the terrifying lookout point. I was laughing with my friend from New Jersey because our Norwegian friend’s long luscious blonde locks were standing straight up in the air as if someone rubbed a balloon on her head. While we, the dumb Americans, laughed away, my Norwegian friend’s face went pale and she morbidly shouted “WE NEED TO GET OFF THIS LEDGE!” It wasn’t until she explained that the static electricity meant the air was ‘charging’ that we started to freak the F*** out (AKA- lightning could hit that side of the mountain at any moment). It is safe to say we flew down that cliff side. But we MADE IT! I entered that hike as a wanna-be Viking and left it being truly touched by the hand of Thor and knighted a VIKING (or at least a Viking at heart)!

So you don’t feel left out, here is a random assortment of images that captured all of my adventures. It is only an inch in the mile of my experience, but figured I would give you a small taste of it:

People stripping down at the beach in France

Perks of staying out until 4am in London…no one will photobomb your picture of big ben!

Ahhh the Cliffs of Moher in Ireland. Where’s my pot of gold at?

Who knew the Irish coast looked so appetizing?!

My future address

Pompeii………AND IF YOU CLOSE YOUR EYESSSSSSS, DOES ITTTT……okay, I’ll stop.

Scottish Highlands! Guess what’s under his kilt…..

Oh, you know, just random giant viking swords in the middle of Norway…

Hello, Fjord

Odin…..YOU ARE MY FATHERRRR

6am walk home from a drunken London night….perks of living off of Abbey Road. Think the garbage man who took this photo was secretly a photographer.

My Fav: Christmas time at Trafalgar Square

Vatican City….Arrived the day the Pope resigned….and when lightning struck the top of the Church. Timing is EVERYTHING.

Look at those Lucky Charms, eh!? Just smooching the Blarney Stone. Gotta get my Eloquence on.

SCCCOOTTTLANDDDD! ….Scotty doesn’t know that Fiona and me….okay, I’ll stop again.

❤ London, my love

That’s what’s up!

3:30am….sun already rising in London….oh, yeah, and we’re all either blackout drunk/chatting up a homeless man/or being epic and taking this picture (that was me of course)

 

• The last few months of living in London were sadly spent in a library doing my dissertation and dying inside a little at the thought of stepping on that plane to fly back to the States. But, a Vikings’ gotta do what a Vikings’ gotta do. So, although it tore me to bits, I left a piece of my heart and soul in London and held my breathe as I stepped on that plane.

Sooooo that sums up my whole adventure living abroad for the year. And yes, I guess I kind of lied when I said I wouldn’t write an epic novel to give you the update on everything. Whoops. I’ll give you a break for now and update you on PART 2: Coming back to the states in the next post! ALL HAIL THOR!    

Anthropological Virgin Diaries

You are probably wondering right now why on earth I chose the title that I did. Well, I shall explain. Apparently, my professor has psychic capabilities because he predicted that the students who entered the course are “anthropological virgins” and by graduation, we will be pregnant……with knowledge of course!!!! Who knew…… pay thousands of dollars to go to grad school only to be ‘knocked up’ with intelligence! But anywho, I will recap my past week or so. Last week was ‘Orientation’…..a week of lectures on the program, long lines, tons of food stands, and lots of mingling. I would say it was rather exciting but in all honesty, it wasn’t a very exciting week. I caught my first cold of the season last week so it was a bit exhausting to run around like a madman trying to learn a new campus. Several tissues, tea biscuits, and cheesy movies later…I finally felt better by the weekend. TAH-DAHHH! Thank god I was better by the weekend because we planned a trip to Oxford on Sunday FUNDAY!

Isn’t it beautiful?!?! There is a picture of one of their dorms. Could you imagine waking up in a dorm that looked like ‘beauty and the beast’ had a baby with ‘Harry potter?’ No….I bet you can’t imagine that… Basically, their entire city pretty much looked like that building. Gorgeous stone buildings with crazy architectural designs. We (my friends and I….yes, I have friends), took a walking tour around the city  to learn the most important informations….like the fact that oxford has a little Fudge Shop with AMAZING chocolate orange fudge. Important stuff, you know. We then frolicked to Oxford Castle which is apparently haunted. I couldn’t resist but to drag my friends there. Gotta get into the Halloween spirit, right?! We tried to provoke the ‘ghost’ in the basement but we didn’t have much luck. I did manage to violate a mannequin though!

 

And of course, we had to get arrested for stealing a dog. Who wouldn’t?! Seriously..?

But that was the highlight of the weekend! Sorry to disappoint if you were expecting any juicy stories or gossip. No-can-do. But as far as this week goes, classes seem pretty damn good! Sh*t-ton of reading but I’ll survive. The highlight for me today was when all the students in my class had to pretend they were a foreign culture. And by this, I mean we had to dance around like idiots speaking gibberish while having staring contests with other students in order to win playing cards…not even kidding……I definitely made the right choice of school to attend. Now that my throat is sore from Squawking all day, I will now relax and meet up with some lovely gals later for drinks. Since I have such a long work-week…. *cough* two days of class *cough*….I will unwind and make the most of the weekend by exploring, adventuring, dancing, drinking, learning, and above all, embarrassing myself. OH, and to those literature lovers out there…you should be pleased to hear that I bought a ticket to see “the taming of the shrew” in the Shakespeare Globe Theatre. I know, I know….I’m so cultured! Not! 😀

Pirates! ARG MATEY!

 

Frolicking Like a Champ

Ok, so I’ve been lacking with updating my blog. But take it as a good thing because that means I’ve been busy! So to recap, this week was a “christine-bonds-with-herself-week.” AKA- My roommate had orientation for most of the week and I have no friends. So what adventures did I embark on? GUESS!!!!? ….ok you’re too slow, I’ll just tell you…..FIRST, Me, myself, and I took a walk through the area that I live in. I found out that Regents Park is only a 20 minute walk away! Who knew! And they have a freaking ZOO THERE!! Like penguins and tigers….that type a zoo!! SICK, RIGHT??? So I frolicked through the huge park. The park has a mote of water surrounding it (which smells kind of like goose droppings and other questionable smells) but it is very pretty! The middle of the park is made up of huge fields for men to run around half naked playing ‘football’ (Soccer….for those oblivious americans). Anyways I hiked through the gorgeous gardens and sat on benches and stuff. I even embarrassed myself by ordering a ‘coffee’ at a little cafe and wound up with a midget looking starbucks cup. Stupid American move…..ordering a ‘coffee’ gets you a shot-glass sized coffee cup with a shot of expresso in it….not a cup of ‘coffee Americano’. *Whoops*

So, the SECOND day I got to spend time with me, myself, and I again. We were so bored we went to the British Library and got a fabulous library card! Woooohoo!! Geekdom here we come! Then after that, I took an excitingly morbid trip to the Highgate Cemetery! I know it sounds creepy to walk around in a cemetery by oneself but 1) I’m not a pansy 2) It’s daytime you wimps and 3) It’s probably extremely safe considering everyone in my surroundings is….well, Dead. PLUS, highgate cemetery is where Karl Marx was buried! Cool, right? Right?! No? Fine…….anyways I had a lovely chat with Karl Marx 6-feet-under and walked on top of all his neighbors and dead friends (on respectful paths, of course). The cemetery was probably the most beautiful one I have ever seen, no joke. It winds through the wood and everything is covered in bright green ivy. It’s gorgeous! All the headstones are ancient too with big statues. Pretty neat. But after I was done chilling with dead people I headed home.

FRIENDSSS!!! Yes, later on in the week I did in fact make friends!!! Thanks to my roommate who made friends at her orientation, I mooched off of her and made them friends as well! We all went out to a club called ‘Walkabout’ which was….interesting to say the least. The music was great but the dance moves were a little questionable (probably from my part as well). After a few too many drinks, I successfully asked the tallest man in the room if he was a Viking…..which in return he laughed in my face and I walked away. *Another Whoops* I even tried waking a sleeping (maybe homeless?) man at the bus stop because I was concerned that he would miss his bus…..at 3am. Luckily, my friends were there to convince me that he didn’t look concerned so I shouldn’t be concerned as well (I’ll go easy on the jager bombs next time, promise!). But overall it was fun and we all got home safe and sound!

Today, Well….I’m currently sitting in my bed typing this blog at 1:30pm……I guess it goes to show you what I will be doing today……NOTHING. Today, I dedicate my time to watching movies, eating digestive biscuits (they are just cookies…..not high fiber cookies), and staring out the window. Hope you all are having just as a wonderful start to the day as I am!

I found my hobbit hole!!!!!

So the quest was a success! After long and dreary days of going in and out of appointments to see creepy apartments we finally found the one! First, let me tell you about the other apartments we looked at. The first set of ones we saw looked like they took a sweat shop….kicked the workers out….and then converted it into sketchy little apartments. So we X’d that off our list. We then frolicked to several more smelly little apartments. But my favorite was this one particular apartment…..We set up an appointment to see this apartment in a far out town called “Upton.” While researching reviews about the area, most of the comments consisted of “Even if I won a free house in Upton, I still wouldn’t live there.” To our surprise, when we visited the area, we decided we couldn’t be paid enough to live there either. So we ran away as fast as we could to a little area called St.John’s Wood. On the top story of a cute white building was a dainty apartment fully furnished with cotton candy and love. After falling in love with our precious little hole in the wall, we had to snatch it up! And success! It was ours! So we had a long and sad goodbye at the Beaver Hotel…..we miss that fuzzy hell hole already….and then we skipped to our new home! It wasn’t until a few tourists asked us where the “famous beatles picture was” that we realized we were living off of ‘THAT’ Abbey Road. Who knew! But hands down the best thing ever about this place is that we have a chinese take-out restaurant on our street. AND THEY DELIVER!!! Talk about being the ultimate lazy americans!