Viking Rebirth

Ok, I know…I know….I know…..*don’t yell at me*…..So this Viking kind of sailed to the end of the Earth and….well, fell off. I’M SORRY! So literally it has been more than a year since I have updated my viking tale. *SIGH* Boy, you missed a whole lot! I’m not going to write an epic novel to fill in the gaps, but I will give you the 60 second version to wrap things up.

• Picking up where I left off: So the last post was about my ‘Anthropological Virginity’. Whelp, you guessed it, THAT cherry has been popped! For my epic year in London, I attended classes and listened like a good student! (AKA- I tried to go to class when I could but obviously if an opportunity opened up to adventure to random places or watch the history channel ‘Vikings’ series, I usually chose those paths instead.) I kept up my grades and conducted my dissertation research on a virtual reality game (basically, I played video games and called it ‘research’). And TAH-DAHHHHHHH……*BOOM* I got my Masters of Science Degree! Whooo hoo! All those late night Tesco runs and tea-bag coffees paid off!
• BUT…. I am sure you probably don’t give a flying sh*t about my Masters Degree (just as this job market doesn’t either) so I’ll jump to the juicy details that you are waiting to hear about! Yes, yes, I did date while I was in London. And YES, they were MEN. I went on dates with 7 men total. A mix of Irish and English men……very spicy, I know ;). But unfortunately, I was only really interested in two of them and we all know how that usually ends……..with a pint of overpriced Ben&Jerry’s and a Bridget Jones’ Diary marathon. Life Lesson #844 Learned: It doesn’t matter what background or nationality a man is, men will be men. Same shit different day. But I’m not going to be a weeny and give you a sob story of how my heart got broken and I cried precious tears that contained remnants of my tiresome heart. Want to know why I’m not going to do that? BECAUSE I’M A MOTHER F’ING VIKING! That’s why! As gentle as a Flower but strong like Bull! That is the motto that my heart was built upon. Don’t get me wrong, I can be a very compassionate and sensitive person who is much of a romantic as the next girl…but I also have a functional brain and am under no illusion that life is like a Nicholas Sparks novel (or movie, since the idea of even bothering to read his books makes me want to barf a little.) No offense to those that love that stuff…I fully support you in liking it, but it just ain’t for me. *Conclusion of Rant* SOOOO, anywho…I did have some fun dating the Brits. BUT, most of my fun was from not dating anyone. My most fun night were venturing out with my other single ladies to paint the town! I’m having flashbacks of having a Gigantor Ginger South African Rugby Player throw me over his shoulder while having him scream “I FOUND A FRIEND!” at the bar. Or the time a group of (off-duty) royal guards were trying to walk me to a bus stop late at night. We were crossing over a bridge when I told them all to “F*** Off and go jump off the bridge into the Thames (a river)” because they were making crude comments. It was at that point that the drunken guards thought my recommendation sounded like a wonderful idea and they therefore proceeded to start stripping their clothes off and climbing up the rails of the bridge. In that moment I felt like I had kidnapped some Chip N’ Dales workers and had a private show all to myself. I then bounced back to reality when I realized they REALLY were going to jump into the water so I had to collect their clothes and yell at them like a maniac to NOT do what I say. After a few laughs they then agreed to put their shirts back on….but just in time for me to get an eye-full first. *Eyes filled with sparkles* Yup, those memories made my year. *Cough* but I was busy doing school work for most of the year *Cough*.
• Aside from the partying/dating/being-epically-single part… Most of my year was spent feeding my Viking cravings to travel! I had the most amazing friends who were from all parts of the world (Norway, Mexico, Slovenia, Scotland, Canada, etc..).  During the year I explored many wondrous parts of England, road-tripped all throughout Ireland, took two separate backpack trips throughout all of Italy, engorged myself in baguettes and wine in France, realized how poor I was in Monaco, searched for good old Nessie in Scotland, and hiked the Fjords as a Viking rite of passage in Norway!
• Some memorable parts of those trips were being robbed by a man on a vespa in Naples, Italy…I had just spent my last few euros on gelato and was holding my iphone to look at a map while he slashed my cardigan and satchel purse off my back with box cutters. I chased him for two blocks while shouting “YOU F’ING SH*THEAD!” but obviously he got away (eating gelato all vacation didn’t put me in the best shape). But the laugh is on him because all he got was a now broken purse, some beach glass I collected that day, some maxed-out credit cards, and my Cafe Nero card which had only one more stamp before I got my free Latte (which I am still mad about). F’ing Naples, man. Every vespa I saw after that point made me bubble with anger and made me want to Hulk out and kick it over. But overall, it was a nice trip! You live and you learn, right? Being robbed was just a hiccup. Life Lesson Learned #809: Sh*t happens. Get over it. Don’t let an unfortunate event take over your emotions and ruin an amazing experience! You can choose to let it get you angry and ruin your trip….or you can laugh about it after a couple hours and tell everyone while lightheartedly jesting, “Yup, that WOULD happen to me.” Another memorable time was having a random old man walk all the way across a busy beach to kneel down in front of me with a flower and serenade me. *AWKWARD*. Keep in mind, I was sunbathing with thin, gorgeous, bikini-wearing gals (the opposite of my body type). And yet, he obviously had a thing for bah-donk-a-donks and pale irish skin since he crawled over to me. I decided he wasn’t my soulmate when he got offended that I awkwardly giggled and didn’t understand what he was saying. He made me take the flower and then he left broken-hearted. Sorry I’m not sorry. If he was driving a yacht instead of a vespa then…..Ehhhh….maybe, just maybe I would have changed my mind (just kidding…..but no, seriously). And another great memory was splurging and purchasing the bumper-to-bumper insurance for the rental car in Ireland so that every time we opened the door too hard and scratched that mother f’er up or forgot to drive on the right side of the road (which is actually the left) we would shout “NOT LIABLE!” Classic. BUT my ultimate favorite moment was my Viking Rite of Passage in the Fjords. My Norwegian friend told us we were going on a little hike in to this massive lookout in the Fjords. And by a ‘little’ hike….she meant a 6 hour power hike up the side of a mountain with rock cliffs. OH, and half way up we were trapped on top of a mountain in a huge thunderstorm. “Please don’t smite us all powerful Thor!!!” I’m not religious, but I must have prayed at least a dozen times to NOT get struck by lightning or slip and tumble down the mountain side. We lost half of our group by the time we came here the prized ‘lookout’ point because everyone was dropping like flies from exhaustion. But obviously, as a Viking, I had no choice but to continue in order to keep my reputation intact. So finally the last survivors and I made the trek to the terrifying lookout point. I was laughing with my friend from New Jersey because our Norwegian friend’s long luscious blonde locks were standing straight up in the air as if someone rubbed a balloon on her head. While we, the dumb Americans, laughed away, my Norwegian friend’s face went pale and she morbidly shouted “WE NEED TO GET OFF THIS LEDGE!” It wasn’t until she explained that the static electricity meant the air was ‘charging’ that we started to freak the F*** out (AKA- lightning could hit that side of the mountain at any moment). It is safe to say we flew down that cliff side. But we MADE IT! I entered that hike as a wanna-be Viking and left it being truly touched by the hand of Thor and knighted a VIKING (or at least a Viking at heart)!

So you don’t feel left out, here is a random assortment of images that captured all of my adventures. It is only an inch in the mile of my experience, but figured I would give you a small taste of it:

People stripping down at the beach in France

Perks of staying out until 4am in London…no one will photobomb your picture of big ben!

Ahhh the Cliffs of Moher in Ireland. Where’s my pot of gold at?

Who knew the Irish coast looked so appetizing?!

My future address

Pompeii………AND IF YOU CLOSE YOUR EYESSSSSSS, DOES ITTTT……okay, I’ll stop.

Scottish Highlands! Guess what’s under his kilt…..

Oh, you know, just random giant viking swords in the middle of Norway…

Hello, Fjord

Odin…..YOU ARE MY FATHERRRR

6am walk home from a drunken London night….perks of living off of Abbey Road. Think the garbage man who took this photo was secretly a photographer.

My Fav: Christmas time at Trafalgar Square

Vatican City….Arrived the day the Pope resigned….and when lightning struck the top of the Church. Timing is EVERYTHING.

Look at those Lucky Charms, eh!? Just smooching the Blarney Stone. Gotta get my Eloquence on.

SCCCOOTTTLANDDDD! ….Scotty doesn’t know that Fiona and me….okay, I’ll stop again.

❤ London, my love

That’s what’s up!

3:30am….sun already rising in London….oh, yeah, and we’re all either blackout drunk/chatting up a homeless man/or being epic and taking this picture (that was me of course)

 

• The last few months of living in London were sadly spent in a library doing my dissertation and dying inside a little at the thought of stepping on that plane to fly back to the States. But, a Vikings’ gotta do what a Vikings’ gotta do. So, although it tore me to bits, I left a piece of my heart and soul in London and held my breathe as I stepped on that plane.

Sooooo that sums up my whole adventure living abroad for the year. And yes, I guess I kind of lied when I said I wouldn’t write an epic novel to give you the update on everything. Whoops. I’ll give you a break for now and update you on PART 2: Coming back to the states in the next post! ALL HAIL THOR!